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Advancing human society isn't a story of monotony or constancy about marriage and the family. As societies advance, at least many of them, family size decreases, marriage occurs later or not, and there are fewer children. This reflects what's going on in South Korea today, and in other places, including the United States. How does marriage in Korea change with the times?
The website Life in Korea (www.lifeinkorea.com) features an informative series of pages on "Traditional Marriage" in Korea. Foreigners can learn a lot about the meanings of Korean symbols such as geese, chickens, yin and yang, the colors of blue and red, gift-giving and the responsibilities of bride, groom, and their families. In some respects, the latter resemble Western traditional marriages, and in others they don't. Traditional marriage unified two family representatives for having children. In the previous 200 years and decreasing to the present, marriage provided a stock of male and female laborers for economic and household work. Marriage bound the couple to a home, village, and surrounding location.
Today's marriages are about munificence in relative terms. It's a great party to celebrate the love of two people. Giving presents, wearing of traditional clothes, and other earmarks of a present-day wedding may look like their traditional variants, but there's a difference. The marriage launch is a preliminary celebration and more symbolic.
In a traditional marriage, the new couple lived with the husband's family. The wife experienced pressure and responsibility from her mother-in-law. "Myeonuri sijipsari" still occurs for some women, but many of my friends say they never experienced it, or their mothers-in-law didn't apply such pressure. Newlyweds may never live with their parents (-in-law) at all.
Marriage today isn't a high priority for successful, educated young adults. It's a union of individuals who choose to make up a couple out of personal love. Oh, of course, there are traditionalist marriages. Perhaps many marriages still concern the prospect of a child. It may not concern children. Present-day Korean marriage is less about family preservation and extension than about fulfillment. Today, wives as well as husbands want to keep their careers and advance.
The age imbalance in traditional marriages was of men to women. A younger woman marrying an older man was more common, but not the opposite. However, today I see younger men marrying older women, and not just among celebrities. Security and children in marriage don't mean the same anymore.
There remain injustices in Korean society according to gender, beginning with pay and work conditions. Dividing household duties burdens women, wives and mothers more than men, husbands and fathers. This will continue to decrease overtime if current trends continue. However, it may give a false sense that traditional marriages continue to dominate or may experience a resurgence.
Gender inequalities also correlate with class or income-inequality. Lower socioeconomic status couples may look and act more traditional. For the rich and famous and middle-class hopefuls, more and more couples live apart due to work and careers. Don't we today need a women's term for "gireogi appa," the flying goose husband and dad. Flying chicken wife?
Gradually, marriage becomes less about a single head of family and dependents. It's more about two individuals who join forces. This updates Confucian values to mean mutual self-development, avoidance of scapegoating, and the equal authority of women to live public lives.
Marriage in Korea today extends the implicit notion of family respect as reciprocal self-respect of husband and wife. This field of marriage relations continues to unfold and doesn't fully describe present-day Korean marriage. It exists with traditional marriage and other ideals. Today, Korean marriage wants two partners to show flexibility and adaptability in the primary bond. Carrying out goals through marriage and the family remains. The way it occurs changes.
Bernard Rowan (browan10@yahoo.com) is associate provost for contract administration and professor of political science at Chicago State University. He is a past fellow of the Korea Foundation and former visiting professor at Hanyang University.
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