.jpg/dims/resize/740/optimize) |
Kim Hyun-joong, a K-pop star of screen and music, has recently become embroiled in a scandal of his own making. He hit his girlfriend. NFL star Ray Rice was terminated because of surveillance footage showing him brutally punching his then-fiancee unconscious, then dragging her limp body out of the elevator in which the incident took place.
Perhaps most infamous in recent memory is Chris Brown, an American pop star who has legions of female fans. After hearing that Brown had assaulted his partner, Rihanna, many of these same fans expressed support for him, even saying things akin to "he can beat me any time."
Anyone who knows me well knows I'm a fan of Sylvia Plath. I've read all of her works, yet one of the lines from Plath's most famous poem, "Daddy," stays with me in a way no other writer's work ever has: "Every woman adores a Fascist, / The boot in the face, the brute /Brute heart of a brute like you."
I wonder, is this true? Does every woman adore a fascist? Do women like the promise of a kind of power evident in physical and emotional abuse? Do they romanticize, even fetishize violence by their male counterparts?
Domestic violence, and more broadly, violence against women, has been going on since Moses wore short pants. Violence against women is so common and accepted in the world's societies that popular culture edifies it.
Famous song lyrics show women expressing love and fidelity to their abusive lovers. Consider Billie Holiday's "My Man," in which she croons, "He's not much on looks / He's no hero out of books / But I love him…/ Two or three girls / Has he / That he likes as well as me / But I love him / I don't know why I should / He isn't true / He beats me too / What can I do?" So her man is unattractive, unfaithful, and physically assaults her, yet she loves him? Barbra Streisand covered this same song in 1965, right when first-wave feminism was sweeping America.
An even more graphic example is The Crystals' 1962 song "He Hit Me (and it Felt Like a Kiss)." Gerry Goffin and musical icon Carole King wrote the song after one of the Crystals' singers told them her boyfriend beat her, but she was fine with it. His abuse was evidence of her love. Breathtaking.
In America, we often see wives sticking by their abusive husbands. We know this scene all too well: the press conference where she looks stoic and strong, while the husband writhes in his own embarrassing admission of guilt and attempts at repentance. The press conference is a very public attempt at private, personal exculpation.
I often ask: Why does she stay with this jerk? Money and power are simple answers, and perhaps partly true in the aforementioned cases.
But that can't be it. Consider those wives who stay by their husbands even though they are nearly equal, or in some cases greater, in terms of money, power and fame. Why stand by your man in this situation? Emotional investment in long-term relationships is certainly a factor.
In Korea, domestic abuse arrests increased by nearly 30 percent in 2012, according to government figures. Second-time offenders of domestic violence quadrupled over the last few years to 32.2 percent. This tells us that government policies attempting to educate people about domestic violence, along with other preventative measures, are inadequate, and this social ill is becoming pervasive, according to the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family.
More than 15 percent of married women in Korea are victims of domestic violence every year. This is nearly five times higher than the rate present in most other advanced nations within the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, such as the United Kingdom and Japan. As with sexual assault, these numbers are lower than reality, as cases go unreported due to the social stigma attached to them.
According to the National Domestic Violence Center, on average, 24 people a minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in America _ more than 12 million women and men over the course of a year. Over 85 percent of domestic violence is done against women.
There is some good news, though, at least for America. After a lot of hard work, domestic violence has declined over the past 20 years, even as awareness and reported cases have increased.
We must view domestic violence against women, and more broadly, violence in romantic relationships, as terribly serious, pervasive and worthy of government and societal engagement to stop it. Until women and men really see it as such, the very public and very private cases of this crime will go mostly unnoticed, unchallenged and unresolved.
Deauwand Myers holds a master's degree in English literature and literary theory and is currently an English professor outside of Seoul. He can be reached at deauwand@hotmail.com.
