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Mon, May 29, 2023 | 19:10
Dear Abby
DEAR ABBYAbsent mother uses guilt to manipulate her child
[디어 애비] 죄책감을 이용해 아이를 조종하려는 엄마
Posted : 2023-01-05 13:46
Updated : 2023-01-05 14:44
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[디어 애비로 배우는 생생 영어]

DEAR ABBY: I have always been the outsider in my family.
애비 선생님께: 저는 가족에게서 항상 고립되어 있었습니다.


My grandma raised me because Mom was an alcoholic and ran the streets with her boyfriend.
엄마는 알코올중독자였고 남자친구와 거리를 배회했기 때문에 할머니께서 저를 키워주셨습니다.


My grandma died three months ago, and I have been having a hard time dealing with it.
할머니는 세 달 전에 돌아가셨고, 저는 이러한 현실을 받아들이는 데 어려움을 겪고 있습니다.


My mother has moved into my grandma's house and wants me to come visit her.
엄마는 할머니가 살던 집으로 이사 가셨는데 제가 그 집에 찾아오길 원하십니다.


This is a problem because everywhere I look, it reminds me of my grandma.
문제는 그 집에 가면 어디를 봐도 할머니가 생각난다는 것입니다.


I have told her this, but she thinks that since she's painted and decorated it differently, it shouldn't be a problem for me.
엄마에게 이를 말씀드렸지만 페인트칠을 하고 색다르게 꾸몄기 때문에 문제가 되지 않을 거라고 생각하십니다.


I am the only child who has anything to do with her (she gave up my oldest sister), and she uses guilt when I don't come out and help her clean or go grocery shopping for her.
저는 엄마와 관련이 있는 유일한 자식인데(엄마는 큰언니 키우기를 포기하셨습니다), 제가 청소를 돕거나 식재료 장보기를 같이 가지 않으면 제가 죄책감을 느끼도록 하십니다.


I was raised to believe that we should take care of our elders, but I still have issues with her not being in my life growing up.
웃어른을 돌봐야 한다고 믿으면서 자랐지만, 제가 자랄 때 엄마가 곁에 있어주지 않았다는 것 때문에 여전히 불화를 겪고 있습니다.


I don't know how to handle this without just refusing to go.
단순히 집에 가지 않겠다고 거절하는 것 외에 이 문제를 어떻게 해결해야 할지 모르겠습니다.


What should I do?
어떻게 해야 할까요?


— CONFLICTED IN MISSOURI
— 갈등을 겪는 미주리 주민


DEAR CONFLICTED: Tell your mother the truth, just as you related it to me.
갈등을 겪는 독자분께: 독자분께서 저에게 이야기하셨듯 어머니께도 진심을 얘기하세요.


Explain that although she may have painted and redecorated the house, seeing the place without your grandmother in it is depressing and you are no longer willing to do it.
집에 페인트칠을 하고 새롭게 단장했다 해도 할머니가 없는 집을 보는 것이 독자분께는 괴로운 일이며 이를 더 이상 경험하고 싶지 않다고 설명하세요.


And the next time she asks you to help her clean or go shopping for her, say no and tell her why.
그리고 다음에 어머니께서 독자분에게 청소나 장보기를 도와달라고 하시면, 거절하고 그 이유를 말씀하세요.


Unless you have left something out of your letter about your relationship with her over the last decade, I don't think you should feel obligated to her at all.
독자분께서 보내신 사연에 지난 10년 간 어머니와의 관계에 대해 누락한 내용이 없다면, 제 생각에 독자분께서는 어머니께 헌신할 필요가 전혀 없을 것 같네요.

KEY WORDS
■ deal with ~을 다루다
■ remind A of B (A에게 B를) 연상시키다
■ guilt 죄책감
■ grocery 식료품 잡화점, 슈퍼마켓
■ handle 다루다, 다스리다
■ conflicted 갈등을 겪는
■ relate to ~에 대해 언급하다
■ depressing 우울하게 만드는
■ feel obligated to ~해야 한다고 느끼다


Emailywjeon@ktimes.com Article ListMore articles by this reporter
 
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