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What do you think of when you hear the word ''Korea?" Do girl bands like Girls Generation or Bigbang come to mind? An actor or actress of "hallyu?" Popular Korean food such as bulgogi or galbi? I think many might say Kim Jong-un or one of the popular athletes like Kim Yu-na. Others think of the Korean War or a Samsung phone.
Not me. When I think of Korea, I think of friendship. My first and best adult friend, and several others, are Korean men. I also have Korean friends who are women. But what I ‘m going to say is that friendship comes to mind for me when I think of Korea.
When I started graduate school, I met a young man who quickly became my friend. Later we were roommates for a year. In time I met his wife and watched his family grow, adding two sons. It honored me to pick his second son's Christian name. We shared many good times together, and I began to learn about Korean culture, manners and style from him.
Later, after my friend left the United States, I came to visit, and in that time my fondness for Korea grew. We visited all manner of places in Seoul, Busan and elsewhere. I enjoyed Korean living. I learned about popular and less well-known people and places. I met Korean seniors of many professions. I met my friend's family. In time, they treated me like a family member.
Through friendship, I came to love Korea. I spent some time living there while conducting research and teaching. This treasured time in my single life gave me the impulse to continue in academia. The many contacts I made stimulated my research and provided much personal energy for growth and renewal.
My friend and Koreans have taught me the value of harmony in friendship. Harmony isn't foreign to Western values; they just don't accent this value. Western friendships stress common interests, passions, opinions and pursuits. Korean friendships also have these qualities. However, harmony is central to friendship in Korea. It works to avoid the pitfalls of exclusivity and possessiveness. It provides friendship with a permanence that withstands time and space. It puts differences and accidents of circumstance into perspective.
My friend taught me about harmony. We also talked a lot about Korean values. I learned about Korean friendship and its parts by meeting and spending time with his acquaintances and colleagues, with his family and with him.
Sometimes I realize that I likely wouldn't have succeeded in my job without the experiences my friendship gained for me. I would've been a good deal less happy, which finally is of greater importance.
My friend didn't try too hard to get me to marry, but he did encourage me toward that path. I didn't set out to marry a Korean. However, had I not experienced these times and learned from them, I don't think I'd have married a person of Asian descent.
It's perhaps trite to say that friendship is at the core of Korean culture. It's a central value, critical to Confucian culture and a key reason underlying Korea's developmental phase and advancement. Friendship is also a reason the two Koreas will unify one day. The Korean War divided families. It divided the Korean people. It disrupted family and other friendships.
While friendship as an idea and value has changed over the course of Korean civilization, it remains a basis for the fundamental relations of Koreans, including Korean relations with foreigners.
Do you have a Korean friend? Do you have a foreigner as a friend? Friendship in harmony extends universal humanity. I keep hoping that Koreans and other peoples will found more international universities whose missions center on the values of friendship among all peoples. Many Korean universities and schools stress friendship. But the university I'm thinking of would use friendship as its organizing principle.
As we might understand, the famous song "Arirang" is a song about friendship. I recently learned about the work of Jun Jong-sup to make "Arirang" an international song. This intangible cultural property stands as a testimony to Korean friendship and love.
We can understand that friendship by nature surrounds human relations. The love that "Arirang" depicts is akin to nature. It binds life, in its ups and downs. It represents friendship as a dream come true in both its optimistic and realistic faces. It stresses the idea of return or homecoming. This part of harmony binds and heals friendship and love.
I'm looking forward to seeing my Korean friend again. I'm grateful for the existence of friendship and the way Korea represents it. At this beginning of spring, I know that it stands for life and good living. Let friendship come to you through Korea. It can change your life. It can make you happy.
Bernard Rowan is assistant provost for curriculum and assessment, professor of political science and faculty athletics representative at Chicago State University, where he has served for 21 years. Reach him at browan10@yahoo.com.
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