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For safety reasons, some important information about the author, including her name, was altered. ― ED.
By Su-jin
Escaped from North Korea in 2006, arrived in South Korea in 2007 (repatriated from China in 2002 and 2004).
I attempted my first escape from North Korea after I began to learn about the outside world when I was in high school. I had some friends in North Korea who would share movies from South Korea and America. My mind was moved by what I had seen. I couldn't wait to get out of North Korea. I dreamed of escaping, but I was also terrified. It seemed it would be easier to fly to the moon.
The first time I tried to escape, I was captured quickly. The second time, I was in China for a few weeks, but I was captured again when someone informed the Chinese police about me.
Looking back, I am not surprised that I was captured so easily both times. I was young, naive and just ready to escape, hoping for a miracle. By the third attempt, I was much more mature and carefully planned things; I was paranoid rather than hopeful.
My early years in South Korea were fantastic, but then I got married and my life changed for the worst. He had been so nice before we got married ― everyone thought he was so fantastic. But after I became his wife, he seemed to think I was his property. Publicly, he would talk about me being the queen of our home, pretending that he was running home to be with me. But at home, he would bully and dominate me. Finally, he beat me up so badly that I couldn't leave the house for weeks.
His beatings didn't break me. He had done everything he could to isolate me and that harsh beating was probably meant to show me what he could really do to me if I continued to disobey him. However, I didn't give up. I wanted to be a good wife, but I hadn't escaped from North Korea to live as an abused wife. When I told him that I wanted to learn English, he tried to block me. He was clearly frustrated that I was so determined. I started studying on my own; then I found TNKR (Teach North Korean Refugees). He can't speak English so I guess that is a reason he saw my desire to learn English as a challenge to his authority.
He finally agreed I could study one-on-one, but only with female tutors and I had to return home after studying. He refused to let me study at a traditional university, so I found a cyber university. He finally relented, as long as I didn't study on the university campus or interact directly with other students. He was so determined not to let me associate and mingle with others. I suspect that he even put a tracking device on my phone because he would know the places I had been.
In North Korea, my life had changed because of foreign movies. In South Korea, everything changed because of studying at TNKR and a cyber university. My self-esteem had been broken, but English and learning as a student gave me something new, gave me confidence in myself, and reminded me that I shouldn't throw away my life as an abused wife.
Finally, I could take on the challenge to leave him even though I knew my life would be difficult as a divorced woman in South Korean society. My tutors had no idea about my situation, but their messages asking me if I wanted to study always delighted me. And of course, the TNKR leaders who knew about my situation would check on me, giving me more confidence that I could succeed and letting me know that I was not alone.
The divorce was difficult. I had to go into hiding for a while, moving from place to place. At last, I am free. I am going through a healing time now.
Coronavirus has made everything more difficult, but thankfully I escaped from my terrible situations ― in both North Korea and South Korea ― so I can live even through this difficult time, but as a free woman. I am now re-establishing my identity and gaining confidence in myself as a human being. I am free because of movies and English.
Casey Lartigue Jr., co-founder of the Teach North Korean Refugees Global Education Center, was the 2017 winner of the "Social Contribution" Prize from the Hansarang Rural Cultural Foundation and the 2019 winner of the "Challenge Maker" Award from Challenge Korea. TNKR co-founder Eunkoo Lee translated the refugee's remarks from Korean to English.
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