Successful people apologize when necessary

By Lee Chang-sup

Judging from the news headlines I read these days, I think that Korea will have a better future if only Koreans, especially leaders, are willing to apologize.

Koreans seldom express regret or apology because of an ingrained cultural belief that admitting mistakes will cause one to lose face.

Many national issues have remained unresolved because of this belief. From the parliamentary hearing on the intelligence agency's alleged meddling in the last presidential election to the inter-Korean talks, solutions are not in sight. Few want to admit mistakes, but everyone seeks an apology.

Prosecutors and judges, not the National Assembly, will conclude whether the National Intelligence Service (NIS) mobilized its agents to post comments on key Internet portals to help Park Geun-hye win the presidential election last December. Two key witnesses — former NIS director Won Se-hoon and former Seoul Metropolitan Police Agency Director Kim Yong-pan — took pains to defend themselves at the National Assembly hearing last Friday.

At the hearing, they did everything imaginable to cover up their roles in the election campaign. The two, whom the opposition parties claim masterminded the election propaganda, even refused to take an oath at the hearing. They said they refused to take an oath so as not to affect the prosecutors' investigation or the court trials, but this action only suggests their ability or freedom to lie when necessary. Indeed, what the people wanted to hear was their simple, candid expression of regret or apology, not their denial of simple facts, stonewalling or self-defense.

North Korean leader Kim Jong-eun will also gain much from apologizing for the North's attack on South Korea's Navy ship Cheonan and shelling of Yeonpyeong Island in 2010 on the southwestern tip of the demarcation line separating the two Koreas. Kim might believe admitting these past wrongdoings would cause him to lose face. On the contrary, however, he would significantly improve his image as an honest leader. Similarly, once Pyongyang apologizes for killing a South Korean tourist inside Mt. Geumgang in 2008, Seoul would allow South Koreans to tour Mt. Geumgang again, which would benefit Pyongyang's tourism industry.

Now is also the time for former President Lee Myung-bak to apologize for the disastrous Four Major Rivers Restoration Project. The project, which drained $20 billion from the national budget, has slowed water flow in the rivers, turning them green, killing their fish and making their water unsuitable for drinking. A confidential report by the Board of Audit and Inspection shows that demolishing the four-river dams would be cheaper than removing the water blooms that have formed in the rivers.

Similarly, Deputy Prime Minister and Strategy-Finance Minister Hyun Oh-seok must learn the art of apology if he really wants to upgrade the public's confidence in government policies. He blundered when he unveiled a plan last month to hike tax for nearly six million workers, who comprise most of the middle class. Although every taxpayer knew that the plan was to hike tax, he said that "the plan was not a tax hike but an adjustment." Instead of apologizing, he later unveiled a watered-down, tax-hike plan. Like other dishonest leaders, Hyun falsely believes his public apology will erode his reputation.

Major cram schools in the posh Seoul district of Gangnam have yet to apologize for stealing test kits to help their students get high scores in such English-based proficiency tests as SAT, TOEFL and TOEIC. They also have yet to apologize for hiring fake American Ivy League graduates as tutors, and consequently, polluting the Korean education system's image.

This lack of motivation to apologize is not limited to Korea. For example, in Japan, leaders are notorious for papering over mistakes or wrongdoings. Even decades after mobilizing Korean women and workers for their country's war-time operations, Japanese leaders still refuse to apologize for fear of losing face in the international community. They still do not know why Germany has re-gained the world's respect for its candid apology for the Nazi's crimes.

However, the United States seems more open to expressing regret or apology than Korea and Japan are. Americans including children are accustomed to saying "sorry" even in public places like elevators or restaurants. A well-known example is President Bill Clinton, who won the public's sympathy for apologizing honestly for his affair with White House intern Monica Lewinski in 1998.

The importance of apologizing is not limited to leaders. Even ordinary people risk ruining their careers and reputations for refusing to admit mistakes or wrongdoings.

Marshall Goldsmith, the author of the famous book, "What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful," says apology is the most powerful tool in human relations. "Expressing regret, or apologizing is a cleansing ritual … You say ‘I'm sorry,' and you will feel better," he says. He says the difference between successful and less successful nations and people is the ability to say "I'm sorry" and "Thank you." Thus, he advises us to make it a rule to express regret or apology when necessary.

While many agree on the theory that expressing regret or apology is important for personal relations, they find it hard to do. What's worse, many find it easy to squeeze an apology out of others. One thing is clear: successful people apologize at the right place and time.

Lee Chang-sup is the executive managing director of The Korea Times. Contact him at editorial@ktimes.co.kr.