By Hyon O'Brien
``Been there, done that." We have heard this expression a lot since the early 1980s, when people talk about experiences or activities that no longer draw much excitement or interest. It excludes by implication any sense of wonder remaining for a particular place or activity. It has a tone of dismissal ― ``Even talking about this bores me.''
I just got back to Seoul after nearly two weeks traveling in Spain with a high-school friend and travel buddy, Soonja, who flew in from New York to meet me in Madrid (this was our 11th annual trip). She had visited Spain with another group last year, so many of the places we were visiting, were being seen by her for the second time within a short interval.
But what amazed me about Soonja was that she never lost her infectious delight even in small things, such as a crooked back alley with a patch of walled-in gardens overflowing with fresh flowers, or intricate ceramic tile signs on the walls, a sweet pastry we picked up in Sarria, an old village surviving in Barcelona, and the windows and gates of the Alhambra Palace near Seville.
With Soonja, there was never a trace of a ``been there, done that" attitude at any time during the trip. Actually, I have never seen her bored by things. She has the character of always finding something delightful in everything.
In my 40-plus years of traveling, our mode of traveling has fluctuated from joining a tour group, to renting a car and driving around from place to place on our own, to renting a place as a home base to explore a region more closely. We definitely try not to repeat the same place, preferring to try out a new culture in a new location each time. Obviously we have been applying ``been there, done that" in our selection of destinations.
We know a number of families who go to the same vacation place year after year. We wonder what motivates them to make that kind of choice. Why don't they want to visit a brand new place? Aren't they curious about unknown places and unfamiliar cultures and cuisines? Are they afraid of trying new things? It is clearly not a case of money limiting their choice of vacation spots. (I dare not ask these questions to them directly.)
One of the reasons that we have never seriously considered buying even a small cottage as a family get-away is that we want to avoid feeling guilty about not going there. When we sold our house in New Jersey after living there 17 years, part of the reason was to make sure we wouldn't go back there again.
We felt the need to experience another area, another setting and another type of housing. Does this mean that we discard our friends as we move around? No way. I am glad we don't feel that urge and we almost never apply the ``been there, done that" principle to the people category.
It is funny how our ideas change; I used to dream about having a place in either the classic rural paradises of Tuscany or Provence or on some sun-blessed Greek island brilliant with white and blue colored houses and churches. But now that idea seems absurd. Great scenery and amazingly beautiful settings pale after a while unless they are peopled with good friends.
Now that we are in our 60s, we are being more realistic and begin to understand why some people go to the same place year after year. Why not? If one finds one locality answers to all the requirements and demands of what a vacation spot should be.
One day we will stop roaming around and settle on one spot. Where will that be? We continue to search while balancing the "been there, done that" principle to serve us in a practical way. I almost saw a place in a small waterfront village in Port de la Calobra in Majorca. But how do I people that place with the many friends we need to have around? This dilemma can be solved somehow. Learn Spanish and start making local friends? Well, perhaps.
The danger of a "been there, done that" attitude is decreased delight, dulled response and deadly boredom. One year we librarians had a seminar at Columbia University with Madeleine L'Engle as our keynote speaker.
One of her books, ``A Wrinkle in Time," is a classic science fantasy, which won numerous awards including the Newbury Award and is still in print after nearly 50 years. During the question and answer period, someone asked her the secret of her books' lasting success. I still remember her answer. ``I seem to manage to maintain a sense of wonder in my stories and characters."
This phrase, ``sense of wonder," has stayed with me and provides a touchstone to see whether I am developing a lackadaisical attitude about things in life. When I see a patch of wild flowers in my walks along the Han River near where we live, I am thankful for Ms. L'Engle's guiding words. It is indeed important to cultivate a sense of wonder and never lose the ability to take delight in small, ordinary things.
When I walk our two dogs and see them running with abandon, I can marvel at their unending energy, and when I gulp a cup of cold water after a hard workout on the tennis court, feel the cool breeze on my face as I open the window in the morning, and hear the loving voices of our children, my heart floods with happy notes ― mundane and ordinary? Perhaps. But it is wonderful to dismiss the phrase, ``'been there, done that."
Hyon O'Brien, a former reference librarian in the United States, has returned to Korea after 32 years of living abroad. She can be reached at hyonobrien@gmail.com.