One day at a time

By Hyon O’Brien

In my last column I wrote about “Learning to Die.”

Since writing that column, I have received some new and sorrowful instruction on that subject.

The other day I attended a funeral of a dear friend and said a final, emotional goodbye to her at her newly dug grave. Alberta Lloyd was 76. I met her two years ago at church and we became prayer partners. We did everything together for two years: weekly prayer, book club, Peace Corps activities, family gatherings, lunches and dinners, traveling, movies and birthdays, Thanksgiving celebrations, etc.

I introduced her to Korean serial melodramas that are available online, and we would discuss what we watched. She loved those Korean soap operas, even the silly parts. Her growing affection for me led her to look for some insights into Korean culture through these television episodes. I loved her for that too.

Her departure has forced me to think about death more as a reality than a concept. It also deepened the conviction that life is fragile. As I am struggling to adjust to a life without her, I receive some comfort from a saying of Abraham Lincoln: “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.”

Faced with the overwhelming burdens of the Civil War, Lincoln may have maintained his balance by not getting too far ahead of himself. As the Gospel tells us, “Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”

One day at a time. Bite-sized challenges. This way, the weight of life will not be overwhelming for me. I can deal with the acute sense of loss coming from Alberta’s death, one day at a time, until it loses its raw edge.

I will focus on living fully just today. I will not borrow worries from tomorrow. I will refuse to be depressed. I will reject the discouraging thoughts flooding into my mind, one day at a time. Even the grieving can be done one day at a time.

I just realized that this method of living one day at a time can be applied to every situation. Are you in the midst of a very difficult project? Did you just discover that you have an illness? Are you a newly-wed trying to learn how to cook, manage a household, hold on a job and relate to your in-laws all at the same time? Are you dealing with teenage children’s rebelling behaviors?

Did you just become a Christian? Are you a missionary in a remote village in India? Are you a new president of a huge company? Did you just get a divorce? Are you a new mother? Did you just win a lottery or go bankrupt recently? Did you just join an orchestra as a new member? Was your property destroyed in recent hurricane?

Are you a builder first time on the job? Are you studying to pass the bar or an entrance exam? Did you just start a church? Are you a newcomer to a new town and a new country? Is your marriage going through a difficult time?

We human beings have a tendency to blow everything out of proportion. The North Korean threats are real but we shouldn’t let them paralyze us or prevent us from building today. We cannot let outside circumstances topple our interior sense of calm.

Last Christmas, one of my presents was a diary whose cover had “Keep Calm and Carry On” in bold letters on a red background. I instantly took to its message.

Evidently, in 1939, the British government issued a series of propaganda posters to raise the morale of the British public in preparation for mass public panic as London and other parts of the country suffered from fierce bombing attacks.

The third in the series was this poster “Keep Calm and Carry On.” A quarter of a million posters were printed with these words, but they were never widely distributed, while the first two. “Freedom is in Peril. Defend it With All Your Might,” and, “Your Courage, Your Cheerfulness, Your Resolution Will Bring us Victory,” were widely used across the country for motivational purposes.

An old copy of this forgotten inspirational poster was rediscovered in a second-hand bookstore in 2000 and it has been reprinted, to the public’s delight, on clothing, mugs, doormats, baby clothes and other merchandise, and serves as the title for a book of motivational quotations.

Indeed, I shall keep calm and carry on, one day at a time. Alberta will appreciate my effort. I imagine her wanting me to live in fullness each day for her sake and mine.

May you rest in peace, my dear beloved friend!

Hyon O'Brien is a former reference librarian now living in the United States. She can be reached at hyonobrien@gmail.com.