Book puts unique spin on human links

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Books

Book puts unique spin on human links

Posted : 2015-04-24 16:50

Updated : 2015-04-26 18:46

An illustration included in "Courage to Be Disliked?by Kishimi Ichiro and Koga Fumitake Courtesy of Influential Inc. / Courtesy of Influential Inc.

'Courage to Be Disliked' explains what it takes to be happy

Cover for "Courage to Be Disliked"
/ Courtesy of Influential Inc.

By Kwon Ji-youn

It may be too late if the head understands tomorrow what the heart knows today. Kishimi Ichiro and Koga Fumitake's "Courage to Be Disliked" strongly advises the immediate use of reasoning to objectify worries.

The book begins with one very simple contention― that all human worries and concerns stem from their relationships with other human beings. With that said, "Courage to Be Disliked" examines human tendencies one by one to come to the following conclusion: the unhappy merely lack the courage needed to become happy.

The local bestseller puts in writing an ardent debate between a philosopher and a young man, whose inferiority complex appears to be beyond repair. Over several meetings, the two discuss relationships and the need for the "courage to be disliked" to reach emotional well-being.

"If competition is at the heart of a relationship, then people will never be able to break free from the worries and concerns about it," the philosopher is quoted as saying. "Because when a competition comes to an end, only winners and losers remain."

The philosopher's arguments are based on the psychology of Alfred Adler, an Austrian medical doctor, psychotherapist and founder of the school of individual psychology ― thus the subtitle "Adler's lessons for a free and happy life." Adler's most famous concept is the inferiority complex, which speaks to the problem of self-esteem.

"Adler's psychology is the psychology of courage," the philosopher says. "You (the young man) are unhappy not because of your past, nor because you lack competence. It's because you don't have the courage to become happy."

This book isn't like most philosophy books that lecture with entirely abstract concepts that readers are unable to grasp. The young man is an accurate representation of the average person, who spends nights awake agonizing over squabbles with friends, family and colleagues. He makes sharp retorts at each and every remark the philosopher makes, taking fine stabs at his somewhat ruthless ideology.

One of the philosopher's solutions includes "the separation of tasks."

"We need to determine which concerns and worries are ours, and which are not," the philosopher says. "If a child doesn't study, the results that transpire -- perhaps rejection -- is his load alone. Thus, studying is not the parents' task, but rather the child's."

To this, the young man argues, "The parents, with more life experience, are obligated to tell the child to study, so as to ensure he or she doesn't face rejection!" But the philosopher calmly replies, "If the parents take an active role in the child's tasks, then they will not be able to avoid a conflict."

The book offers more answers than questions for the average office worker.

"Being recognized or liked by your boss is not your job," the philosopher says. "If there's no legitimate reason for this, there's no need to approach him further. If your boss gets worked up over something unreasonable, then that is his task, not yours … your being unable to work has little to do with your boss. You need to think to yourself, ‘I've only come to dislike my boss, because I don't want to work.'"

The writing is logical ― so logical that the young man finds himself changing as the pages turn. The cynical and pessimistic youth ends up convinced of Adler's reasoning.

The book concludes with the young man retying his shoelaces as he leaves the philosopher's home. He reflects on the crisp evening air and the dazzling moonlight as he wonders, "the world is simple, and so is life."

Published by Influential. Translated into Korean by Jun Kyung-ah. Edited under the supervision of Prof. Kim Jung-won. 336 pages. 14,900 won.

jykwon@ktimes.com