Women find solo travel fulfilling, safe

Tourists wear traditional Korean hanbok clothes at central Seoul's Gyeongbok Palace last month. / Yonhap

By Ellie Goodwin

The expectations and roles of women have seen a global shift thanks to women's rights, education and birth control. What were once longstanding societal norms are now being challenged and an acceptance for different lifestyles that complement the individual has started to emerge. However, this shift is still in its infancy and not without its judgments, with women who openly reject motherhood inviting the most scrutiny.

"The goalpost expectation still exists for some people: a long-term relationship in your 20s, married by 28, with a house and a child by 30," says Amy Wan, a Chinese citizen currently residing in Daegu.

These expectations, though not as prevalent, are still apparent and impact both men and women alike. However, language like "bachelor" still evokes a slightly more attractive image than "spinster."

"I consciously chose not to be a mother, but people ― my family in particular ― have always assumed that I resigned myself to this because I'm 33 and single. The truth is, I've always wanted to travel. I've never wanted to be a mom," Wan says, while also admitting to having felt like she had "disappointed her family" by not subscribing to their expectations.

A rejection of motherhood in favor of the hybrid expat-travel lifestyle can lead to unfair judgments about the character of a woman. "I've been told that I'm selfish, that I have a fear of commitment and settling down. I put that down to ignorance and this social default that's been around for so long," says Eleanor Milders, who is currently into her fifth year of traveling and working abroad.

Insidious social systems which preach the narrative that having a family is primary by nature sideline other lifestyles and breed judgment against them. An individual's self-awareness in knowing that motherhood is not compatible with their personality is something that should be commended. Having a child out of obligation or external pressures rather than choice does harm to both parent and child. "I'm pleased that I'm in my 20s at a time when women are in a position to decide against being a mom if they want to. I just hope that other women remember that rather than taking to heart the opinions of others," says a 28-year-old Korean citizen named Eilisha, who has been firmly opposed to the idea of having children since her teenage years, acknowledging that she has no maternal instinct.

Solo travel may sound lonely, but that is far from the reality. Traveling alone is common and done by many, meaning that the opportunities to meet other travelers are often plentiful. "I have friends and family who have no problems when I say that I don't want to be a mom, but as soon as I mention that I want to travel alone, then the judgments and concerns come flooding," says Alina, a Romanian-born aspiring travel blogger.

For years, media representations have negatively impacted the perceptions of women choosing to travel alone. Movie plots show women being kidnapped on their travels while the media document problems of unwanted attention and publish horrifying incidents so frequently that beg for the assumption that these are commonplace occurrences. The reality is that the home country of the individual often poses the same risks.

"Sure, I need to be careful when I'm traveling alone. But I remind my nearest that I have to do the same back home too. Harassment and assault aren't exclusive to the countries I visit ― there are cases of this back home too. People forget that for some reason," says Clare, a U.K. citizen who has lived in four different countries and is presently residing in Hong Kong, with plans to spend the next year traveling around South America.

In some cases, South Korea, famed for its low crime rate, is a safer place for female expatriates than their home country.

Katerina, who has traveled solo to 22 countries, spoke to The Korea Times about how welcoming strangers have helped create safe spaces for her while traveling. "It's like there's this unspoken code," she says. "When I've gone to hostels by myself, I always get approached by other women, sometimes traveling in groups and sometimes solo, and they always invite me to join their plans."

A mutual shared experience of vulnerability has given way to a mindful response and inclusivity amongst travelers, challenging the preconception that traveling alone is a lonely and unsafe experience for women.

"I think back and am so happy with the decisions I've made. I feel like I've made homes in so many people scattered all over the world in the beautiful countries I've visited. It's been a decade and I don't plan on stopping any time soon," says Lola, a Peruvian citizen.

While a woman traveling alone is sometimes judged scathingly, at the same time, motherhood is, arguably, romanticized. Realities such as loss of personhood and sleep deprivation are sometimes glossed over. Motherhood is selflessness, a forsaking of one's own needs in favor of your child's.

"I couldn't have done half of the things I wanted to if children were in the frame," says 43-year-old Tiffany, who, like her partner, has expressed a desire to travel rather than raising children. "Some of my friends are moms and my life is as equally fulfilling as theirs, but just in a different way. When I look at them I've never felt like I'm missing out, just like they've never felt like they're missing out when they look at me."

Traveling is a liberating and fulfilling lifestyle, giving way to endless experiences, be it connections with people from different countries, self-discovery or expanding one's outlook. Like any lifestyle, it has its benefits and drawbacks. Its suitability is entirely dependent on the individual and, like a parent- or career-centric life choice, may not be for everyone. Like all lifestyles, it deserves acknowledgement and acceptance, rather than judgment and criticism.

"Solo traveling and living abroad have brought out the best version of myself and motherhood has done the same for my friends. They're different but both equally valid," says Hannah, a Gwangju-based expat.

Ellie Goodwin is a teacher who has taught in schools across China, and is currently teaching in Gwangju. She also writes for Gwangju News.