Pastor helps dying patients fulfill last wishes

A 63-year-old terminal cancer patient surnamed Kim enjoys autumn leaves on Mount Nam in Seoul last November. Courtesy of Haon Publication

Rev. Song Kil-weon, critical of funeral service companies cashing in on death, campaigns for 'small funerals'

By Lee Yeon-woo

Last November, a 63-year-old patient surnamed Kim, who was fighting terminal cancer in hospice care at the time, was able to fulfill her last wish in this world, thanks to Rev. Song Kil-weon: Kim visited Mount Nam in Seoul to see the autumn leaves in person. She visited the mountain in a wheelchair on that beautiful sunny day with her two daughters and a 16-month-old grandson.

Kim repeatedly said how happy she was.

"She told me she wanted to go there to see the autumn leaves, but she didn't notice them much because of her marvelous grandson," Song said. "She couldn't take her eyes off the baby boy and said again and again with a happy smile on her face that she was so happy."

Song, a pastor of the small Chungran church in the eastern Gyeonggi Province county of Yangpyeong, said he has not heard any news about the lady since.

"Due to privacy I don't contact them afterwards. I know what happened to them later, as some family members of the terminal patients called or visited me to let me know that they passed away and thank me for my help," he said.

"My job is helping terminal patients fulfill their last wishes with this vehicle," he added, pointing to a renovated van, which he calls his "make-a-wish ambulance."

The vehicle takes terminal patients anywhere they wish to visit before their lives end. Their wishes vary: Some want to go to their favorite singers' concerts, while some wish to drink coffee at their favorite cafe. With help from Song and other funeral service volunteers, some were able to attend weddings.

Song Kil-weon, a pastor of Chungran church located in Yangpyeong, eastern Gyeonggi Province, at a funeral in Yangpyeong, last December. Courtesy of Haon Publication

Rev. Song, who also authored a new book titled "Death with Dignity," is a self-taught funeral service worker.

As a pastor, Song believes in the afterlife. But unlike ordinary pastors, he believes the way of finishing life in this world is as important as the afterlife. This belief leads him not only to preach in the church, but to push ahead with projects such as his "make-a-wish ambulance," operating the "Andersen cemetery park" for children who died of cancer, and a "picnic day" for natural burials.

He calls himself an "anding" planner, a term reflecting his belief that death is not the "end" but a moment of "and" that leads to the afterlife. As an "anding" planner, he plans a new kind of funeral that sheds light on the deceased's life, different from the current style that focuses on "empty formalities and vanity."

"I realized terminal patients' wishes are not grand. They want to visit places where they have good memories, or had no chance to visit when they were healthy," he said.

He started the "small funeral" campaign after realizing that funeral services are cashing in on people's deaths. According to him, more than 15 million won is required to prepare a "decent" funeral to decorate an altar full of flowers, reserve a funeral hall run by a large hospital and offer enough meals and drinks to visitors, according to Song.

"Death with Dignity" by Song Kil-weon / Courtesy of Haon Publication

While following the hectic schedules of companies that only focus on "showcasing death," the remaining family members don't have opportunities to grieve and reminisce properly.

Song says what causes the problem is people's avoidance and indifference to death itself.

"Let's assume that there is a person who decided to emigrate to another country. Shouldn't a farewell party be held before they move? But when it comes to death, it seems like people aren't fully prepared (to say goodbye before they go). What's worse is that they try to avoid it. I will never get to know how families and friends think of me and what I meant to them when they hold my farewell party after I'm gone," Song said to the Korea Times.

Song claimed that funeral service companies prey on people's indifference.

"Expensive shrouds and mourning clothes, black ribbons, artificial white flowers, and white gloves ― those are a vestige of Japanese-style funerals during colonial times. After following all those meaningless procedures, guess what, only one thing is left ― a large bill," Song said.

Funeral service is in his genes. Rev. Song was inspired to assist the dying patients by his mother who was an undertaker.

One day when he was young, Song said he asked his mother why "yeom seup," a traditional Korean death ritual that cleans and shrouds a corpse, is required before burial or cremation.

Her answer was insightful.

"Back in the old days, you had to keep the corpse in the house for around a week to wait for relatives who live far away. Undertakers blocked every hole in the corpse to prevent decomposition and stench. Why bother doing it now when you keep the body in the refrigeration facilities?" she said.

A photo of a deceased woman, letters from her grandchildren, keepsakes such as a book, accessories and a backscratcher are placed on a memorial table in a family funeral Song Kil-weon directed in December 2020. Courtesy of Haon Publication

After years of research in death, funerals and psychology, Song introduced a "small-funeral movement" in 1998. His many suggestions include wearing one's favorite everyday clothes instead of black mourning clothes, and decorating a "memorial table" that presents the keepsakes of the deceased instead of an extravagant altar.

"The most important part is trying to take the funeral back to family-and-friends events, not an event of hospital and service companies," Song said.

To him, a funeral should be similar to making a movie about the deceased's life.

"If they liked space, decorate the place with stars. If they liked playing 'yut' (a traditional Korean board game), feel free to decorate the place with yut. Only one thing is crucial, to share memories with the family," Song said.

Song Kil-weon and his friends wave and throw flowers to their teacher who leaves a schoolyard after the rehearsal for his funeral ends. Courtesy of Haon Publication

"Why not invest your time and energy to die well when you spend more than a decade going to university? I believe a person who has nothing to regret even if they die tomorrow is the one who lives a whole, replete life."